Before my husband died we were in the process of selling our home. When he died, I called the realtor and put everything on hold until I could breathe and put together two coherent thoughts. Did I want to stay here? We’d lived here for the last 13 years. That’s a lot of time and memories. Or maybe it would be better to start fresh in a new place without memories of every little inch of my home trying to grab at me?
We’d really been looking forward to selling and moving to a new neighborhood. We were planning on renting. At this stage we no longer wanted to deal with home maintenance. With K.’s physical limitations he didn’t have the energy to do most home chores. There were a couple of repairs that I’d had to tackle right away after K. died. One was a rusted electrical conduit outside the house that could have been dangerous. I didn’t notice it until it was pointed out to me. That worried me that I might not even know what needed to be done. Not having K. to discuss this with and help decide who to call and how to proceed made me very uneasy. It’s not that I’m not capable of this type of thing, in fact I am rather handy, but I felt unbalanced and anxious.
My son and I discussed it and decided we would like to move. It wasn’t as difficult a decision as I thought it might be, maybe because it was what we had already been planning on. I called our realtor who put things back in motion and filled out the requisite forms to say that K. would no longer be involved in the sale. We went and looked at apartments in the area and found a neighborhood we liked. We had to get rid of a few pieces of furniture that wouldn’t fit and made several more runs to bring stuff to Goodwill.
With the help of a few friends and a rental truck we moved into our new digs on May 10th, just 2 months after K. died. I have enjoyed arranging furniture and decorating the apartment. The style is clearly different than at the old house. It has the special momentos that are tangible memories of K. and it is for us, fresh and new and holds the promise of a new life.