This Is Me

Who we are is affected by how we see ourselves and the world around us. Whether we feel we can have affect on it, or if we feel we are powerless. Am I worthwhile? Am I worthy of love?

I had a dream recently that I was at rehearsal, singing, but I couldn’t focus. My contacts were dry and there were annoying floaters. It was so bad that I kept getting distracted and forgetting the words. In my dream I finally wandered off to deal with the problem. When I took my contacts out I realized that there were two sets of lenses in. I had apparently forgotten that I already had lenses in and had put a fresh set on over the old ones.

When I woke up this got me thinking about what lenses I am looking through. Have I tried to grow and move on without removing my old lenses? Life circumstances and opportunities change. If I still look at myself as the same, just in new circumstances, at some point that view is going to distract me from what I am trying to do, and where I am trying to go.

So what was the focus on my old lenses? There was much of what people had told me that I was through my life: shy, not leadership material, reserved, unemotional, ordinary. I remember two specific incidents in my teens that told me I was invisible and forgettable, just part of the background. Both involve being completely ignored.

 In the first, I was in high school. I was coming to join my boyfriend for lunch. He was talking to one of the girls that was there for a music exchange trip. I approached the table to sit next to him, but he did not move to make room for me, nor did he stop conversing to acknowledge me. I walked away, stunned and upset.

In the second a friend (boy) from summer camp staff I have worked at was visiting, staying with one of my neighbors. I went over to their house, presumably to talk and catch up.  He was watching a football game and although I went into the living room and said hello, he ignored me.  Again, I left, hurt and humiliated.

Although I had friends, and I was generally happy, I didn’t have the tools to deal with that kind of rejection. I figured there was something wrong with me. I was a Christian but no one had taught me my true identity as a child of God. I didn’t know that I had value just as me, not because of what I did, or how cute, or popular I was. Now I know. I am learning to peel off the lenses to see who I really am and the amazing potential I have.

Do you need some new lenses? Try these out:

I will praise and thank you because I am wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

Anyone united with Jesus gets a fresh start and is created new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

In Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith. Galatians 3:26

I was recently perusing YouTube and came across a video of one of the stories of the making of “This is Me” from The Greatest Showman. For me, this song is about identity: realizing that who I am, scars and all is glorious. This is not the polished movie version of the song, it is so much more powerful. The change in the countenance of Keala Settle from the time she starts singing to the end is transformative. The male lead singer is just bursting with life, and one of the writers of the song Justin Paul is playing the piano and he can barely contain himself.

Do yourself a favor and take the 4 minutes and 50 seconds to watch it and think about how God much loves you.  All those lenses that you have been given and told to wear are a lie. Take them off and see yourself through the lens of Love.

This is Me- The Greatest Showman | “This Is Me” with Keala Settle | 20th Century FOX

Songwriters: Justin Paul/Benj Pasek

I’m not a stranger to the dark.

Hide away, they say

‘Cause we don’t want your broken parts

I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars

Run away, they say

No one’ll love you as you are

But I won’t let them break me down to dust

I know that there’s a place for us

For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down

I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out

I am brave, I am bruised

I am who I’m meant to be, this is me

Look out ’cause here I come

And I’m marching on to the beat I drum

I’m not scared to be seen

I make no apologies, this is me

Another round of bullets hits my skin

Well, fire away ’cause today,

I won’t let the shame sink in

We are bursting through the barricades and

Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)

Yeah, that’s what we’ve become (yeah that’s what we’ve become)

I won’t let them break me down to dust

I know that there’s a place fore us

For we are glorious

I won’t let them break me down to dust

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down

I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out

I am brave, I am bruised

I am who I’m meant to be, this is me