I feel like I have been through the fire. Like I have been covered with a thick layer of charred skin that has built up over time. Every time a new hurt, disappointment, or crisis occurred my "skin" would crack a little, and pain would bleed out. In a short time the anger and defensiveness … Continue reading Out of the Ashes
Author: jillb4nafter
I was an average American woman. A wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter. I have a job as a nurse. I like to read and sing. I go to church. I play by the rules. Then my world was knocked off the rails on March 9, 2019 when my husband died unexpectedly. I was suddenly thrust into the world of grief, widowhood and a sense that I was given all the wrong directions to navigate this new life. That is my new starting point. I am convinced that I can't be the only one who feels this way after a loss. If can share the truth of what this grief journey has been like then I will be part of a community not alone.
Keeping the Faith
I was at a Worship Team party this week when I had one of those grief moments, the kind that only takes one small thing to set me spiraling down into tears. This time it was the Matzo that got me. The dry, bumpy, cracker-like flatbread used for communion. It sat on a paper plate … Continue reading Keeping the Faith
To Feel Or Not To Feel-That Is The Tension
I've really been struggling this week. All my life I have been taught that it is important to be kind, and loving and forgiving. To get rid of "negative" emotions. Fake it till you make it. Be a good girl, wife, mother, worker. Be humble, put others before yourself. That all worked pretty well until … Continue reading To Feel Or Not To Feel-That Is The Tension
The Door Needed Kicking
I had an insight today. Mornings have been tiring and emotionally draining lately, and that makes it difficult for me to get going at work. When I got to work there were some problems that needed to be worked out. I was both angry and complacent. I knew that the way the schedule was playing … Continue reading The Door Needed Kicking
Yin Yoga and the Blessing
I decided early this morning to sign up for a Yin yoga and meditation class. I'd never done this kind of yoga before, so I didn't know what to expect. When I got in the studio, it was fairly dark, and quite warm. I hadn't realized this was going to be a hot yoga class. … Continue reading Yin Yoga and the Blessing
Processing My Grief
I am still stuck in the words we use to classify grief and recovery. We have developed a whole culture around what grief should look like and by solidifying it with definitions, treatments, and diagnoses we have fenced ourselves and our pain into controllable, quantifiable confines. Complicated Grief has now been renamed Complex Persistent Grief … Continue reading Processing My Grief
I’m a Survivor-Take 2
I have been thinking a lot about surviving grief and trauma. In my current status as recently widowed it has been a real challenge dealing with my own grief. This can be particularly problematic in my job as a nurse, because patients and their families often need the support of their medical team to cope … Continue reading I’m a Survivor-Take 2
