Someone has stolen my identity. I'm not me anymore, at least not the me I was for many year and felt comfortable with. I don't even look the same. This seems to have happened rather suddenly after K. died. I don't know how many other people experience this after a loss and whether or not … Continue reading Stolen Identity
Most days, to some degree, this mourning hurts. It weighs me down. I feel it pressing down on my chest and the air feels thick. I can sometimes get it to go away for awhile by being engaged in some activity: work, laundry, exercise, etc. It might not last all day but it is always … Continue reading The Phantom Pain
Before my husband died we were in the process of selling our home. When he died, I called the realtor and put everything on hold until I could breathe and put together two coherent thoughts. Did I want to stay here? We'd lived here for the last 13 years. That's a lot of time and … Continue reading Moving Forward
When you see someone whether casually in passing or an old friend it is tossed out there like an obligatory nicety. "How are you?" Of course, we all know that "Fine thank you, and you?" is the polite and expected response. On occasion I have thought to myself how ridiculous this is and that on … Continue reading How Do I Answer That?
So, my son and I were flying back for the celebration of life service for my husband. I had him (his ashes) in the carefully selected rosewood box in my carry on, despite my initial threats to recklessly entrust him to the baggage handlers (see Box, Paper, Zingers post). I was dutifully in possession of … Continue reading Some Things Never Change
Some time ago I came across a show TV about Kintsugi. Kintsugi is a Japanese art form that is traditionally used to repair broken ceramics, or pottery with gold or silver, and lacquer. The broken items are mended in such a way that the cracks still show, but they have now become a beautiful part … Continue reading My Broken Heart
It's now been three months and 20 days since the great divide between Before and After. Most days I am saying a silent goodbye to some small aspect of what my life was, or things we did together. If I am honest with myself this I can see that this has been more of a … Continue reading The Final Goodbye