According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, to bear witness is to show that something exists or is true. In the context of grieving a loss, bearing witness means to listen and validate that what I am feeling, and have experienced are real. Maya Angelou said "there is no greater agony that bearing an untold story inside … Continue reading Bearing Witness
Since connecting with the grief community I have been hearing about the concept of holding your pain. It is given different names: leaning in, telling your story, sitting with your pain. Let me tell you that, for me, this is very uncomfortable at the least. I mean who wants to willingly hang out with the … Continue reading Holding the Pain
Looking back, I can now see how my time and energy was completely wrapped up in K. and his illness. It occupied nearly all my time and even when I wasn't physically doing something it had taken up occupancy in my brain. At first it was just renting out a one bedroom in the occipital … Continue reading Time to Grieve
Someone has stolen my identity. I'm not me anymore, at least not the me I was for many year and felt comfortable with. I don't even look the same. This seems to have happened rather suddenly after K. died. I don't know how many other people experience this after a loss and whether or not … Continue reading Stolen Identity
Most days, to some degree, this mourning hurts. It weighs me down. I feel it pressing down on my chest and the air feels thick. I can sometimes get it to go away for awhile by being engaged in some activity: work, laundry, exercise, etc. It might not last all day but it is always … Continue reading The Phantom Pain
Before my husband died we were in the process of selling our home. When he died, I called the realtor and put everything on hold until I could breathe and put together two coherent thoughts. Did I want to stay here? We'd lived here for the last 13 years. That's a lot of time and … Continue reading Moving Forward
When you see someone whether casually in passing or an old friend it is tossed out there like an obligatory nicety. "How are you?" Of course, we all know that "Fine thank you, and you?" is the polite and expected response. On occasion I have thought to myself how ridiculous this is and that on … Continue reading How Do I Answer That?