Pain is a Dish Best Served with Chopsticks

Pain. It is inescapable. If you are alive you will have pain. Mental pain, physical pain, broken heart. I have been thinking a lot about pain and trauma since my husband died. How have I experienced pain? Some times it is very physical. My heart/chest feels the ache. I feel heavy and slow. It can … Continue reading Pain is a Dish Best Served with Chopsticks →

Into the New Year

I took a break from writing over the Christmas/New Year holiday, and spent some time with my family. Just before that I managed to complete my book Grief: From Ashes to Life (And All the Crazy In Between). It is the collection of my blog posts with some editing. It is currently available on Lulu.com … Continue reading Into the New Year →

Out of the Ashes

I feel like I have been through the fire. Like I have been covered with a thick layer of charred skin that has built up over time. Every time a new hurt, disappointment, or crisis occurred my "skin" would crack a little, and pain would bleed out. In a short time the anger and defensiveness … Continue reading Out of the Ashes →

Keeping the Faith

I was at a Worship Team party this week when I had one of those grief moments, the kind that only takes one small thing to set me spiraling down into tears. This time it was the Matzo that got me. The dry, bumpy, cracker-like flatbread used for communion. It sat on a paper plate … Continue reading Keeping the Faith →

The Door Needed Kicking

I had an insight today. Mornings have been tiring and emotionally draining lately, and that makes it difficult for me to get going at work. When I got to work there were some problems that needed to be worked out. I was both angry and complacent. I knew that the way the schedule was playing … Continue reading The Door Needed Kicking →

Yin Yoga and the Blessing

I decided early this morning to sign up for a Yin yoga and meditation class. I'd never done this kind of yoga before, so I didn't know what to expect. When I got in the studio, it was fairly dark, and quite warm. I hadn't realized this was going to be a hot yoga class. … Continue reading Yin Yoga and the Blessing →

Processing My Grief

I am still stuck in the words we use to classify grief and recovery. We have developed a whole culture around what grief should look like and by solidifying it with definitions, treatments, and diagnoses we have fenced ourselves and our pain into controllable, quantifiable confines. Complicated Grief has now been renamed Complex Persistent Grief … Continue reading Processing My Grief →

I’m a Survivor-Take 2

I have been thinking a lot about surviving grief and trauma. In my current status as recently widowed it has been a real challenge dealing with my own grief. This can be particularly problematic in my job as a nurse, because patients and their families often need the support of their medical team to cope … Continue reading I’m a Survivor-Take 2 →

Open Heart, Open Body, Open Life

In the last few years I had stopped expressing my deepest emotions, hopes and dreams. I even stopped journaling. My life was so entwined with my husband, that in some ways there was just no room for me. K. had very strong personal boundaries and views on what he wanted to share with other people, … Continue reading Open Heart, Open Body, Open Life →

Bits of Light

I had a really good day on Monday. I slept pretty well and I didn't have a headache when I woke up. I didn't feel nauseated or achy when I got out of bed. I wasn't feeling vulnerable and sad with the hang-over of dreams. Work was good, I got a lunch break and didn't … Continue reading Bits of Light →