Okay, so here I am five months in. All the crazy paperwork is done. The memorial service is over. I've been back at work for quite some time, and everyone has gone back to their normal life. Now it's the long road stretching out ahead of me. I feel ill-equipped for any kind of journey. … Continue reading Settling in for the long haul
Tag: Grief
Time to Grieve
Looking back, I can now see how my time and energy was completely wrapped up in K. and his illness. It occupied nearly all my time and even when I wasn't physically doing something it had taken up occupancy in my brain. At first it was just renting out a one bedroom in the occipital … Continue reading Time to Grieve
Stolen Identity
Someone has stolen my identity. I'm not me anymore, at least not the me I was for many year and felt comfortable with. I don't even look the same. This seems to have happened rather suddenly after K. died. I don't know how many other people experience this after a loss and whether or not … Continue reading Stolen Identity
Moving Forward
Before my husband died we were in the process of selling our home. When he died, I called the realtor and put everything on hold until I could breathe and put together two coherent thoughts. Did I want to stay here? We'd lived here for the last 13 years. That's a lot of time and … Continue reading Moving Forward
How Do I Answer That?
When you see someone whether casually in passing or an old friend it is tossed out there like an obligatory nicety. "How are you?" Of course, we all know that "Fine thank you, and you?" is the polite and expected response. On occasion I have thought to myself how ridiculous this is and that on … Continue reading How Do I Answer That?
My Broken Heart
Some time ago I came across a show TV about Kintsugi. Kintsugi is a Japanese art form that is traditionally used to repair broken ceramics, or pottery with gold or silver, and lacquer. The broken items are mended in such a way that the cracks still show, but they have now become a beautiful part … Continue reading My Broken Heart
The Final Goodbye
It's now been three months and 20 days since the great divide between Before and After. Most days I am saying a silent goodbye to some small aspect of what my life was, or things we did together. If I am honest with myself this I can see that this has been more of a … Continue reading The Final Goodbye
What I Have Lost
My husband. The one who was my best friend at one time, and my lifelong companion. Due to his illness I was slowly loosing him over the last 8 years. I might have see thins coming except that in the last few years every minute of my spare time was dedicated to keeping things upright … Continue reading What I Have Lost
The Alien Blob
There are several theories on the stages of grief but it all seems too contained and well-defined. Although some are shared with the caveat that the stages might not be experienced in order, it still makes me irritated to read them. I want to have stages. Stages are neat, tidy, with squared edges. They have … Continue reading The Alien Blob
Venturing out of the safe zone
Okay, to cover all the basics: Yes, I am eating. I am sleeping- sort of. I'm tired but I have trouble settling down to sleep. I wake up during the night and watch episodes of "The Good Place", then repeat the cycle until about 6am. I've been an early riser for years and so is … Continue reading Venturing out of the safe zone
