In the last few years I had stopped expressing my deepest emotions, hopes and dreams. I even stopped journaling. My life was so entwined with my husband, that in some ways there was just no room for me. K. had very strong personal boundaries and views on what he wanted to share with other people, … Continue reading Open Heart, Open Body, Open Life
I had a really good day on Monday. I slept pretty well and I didn't have a headache when I woke up. I didn't feel nauseated or achy when I got out of bed. I wasn't feeling vulnerable and sad with the hang-over of dreams. Work was good, I got a lunch break and didn't … Continue reading Bits of Light
Okay, so here I am five months in. All the crazy paperwork is done. The memorial service is over. I've been back at work for quite some time, and everyone has gone back to their normal life. Now it's the long road stretching out ahead of me. I feel ill-equipped for any kind of journey. … Continue reading Settling in for the long haul
Looking back, I can now see how my time and energy was completely wrapped up in K. and his illness. It occupied nearly all my time and even when I wasn't physically doing something it had taken up occupancy in my brain. At first it was just renting out a one bedroom in the occipital … Continue reading Time to Grieve
Someone has stolen my identity. I'm not me anymore, at least not the me I was for many year and felt comfortable with. I don't even look the same. This seems to have happened rather suddenly after K. died. I don't know how many other people experience this after a loss and whether or not … Continue reading Stolen Identity
Before my husband died we were in the process of selling our home. When he died, I called the realtor and put everything on hold until I could breathe and put together two coherent thoughts. Did I want to stay here? We'd lived here for the last 13 years. That's a lot of time and … Continue reading Moving Forward
When you see someone whether casually in passing or an old friend it is tossed out there like an obligatory nicety. "How are you?" Of course, we all know that "Fine thank you, and you?" is the polite and expected response. On occasion I have thought to myself how ridiculous this is and that on … Continue reading How Do I Answer That?