I've really been struggling this week. All my life I have been taught that it is important to be kind, and loving and forgiving. To get rid of "negative" emotions. Fake it till you make it. Be a good girl, wife, mother, worker. Be humble, put others before yourself. That all worked pretty well until … Continue reading To Feel Or Not To Feel-That Is The Tension
I decided early this morning to sign up for a Yin yoga and meditation class. I'd never done this kind of yoga before, so I didn't know what to expect. When I got in the studio, it was fairly dark, and quite warm. I hadn't realized this was going to be a hot yoga class. … Continue reading Yin Yoga and the Blessing
In the last few years I had stopped expressing my deepest emotions, hopes and dreams. I even stopped journaling. My life was so entwined with my husband, that in some ways there was just no room for me. K. had very strong personal boundaries and views on what he wanted to share with other people, … Continue reading Open Heart, Open Body, Open Life
Before my husband died we were in the process of selling our home. When he died, I called the realtor and put everything on hold until I could breathe and put together two coherent thoughts. Did I want to stay here? We'd lived here for the last 13 years. That's a lot of time and … Continue reading Moving Forward
When you see someone whether casually in passing or an old friend it is tossed out there like an obligatory nicety. "How are you?" Of course, we all know that "Fine thank you, and you?" is the polite and expected response. On occasion I have thought to myself how ridiculous this is and that on … Continue reading How Do I Answer That?
It's now been three months and 20 days since the great divide between Before and After. Most days I am saying a silent goodbye to some small aspect of what my life was, or things we did together. If I am honest with myself this I can see that this has been more of a … Continue reading The Final Goodbye
I headed out to the funeral home today unsure of what to expect. When I emerged from my thoughts I realized that I didn't recognize where I was. I backtracked a few turns and made it to my destination. My internal sense of direction is gone. I used to just know which way to go. … Continue reading Box, paper, zingers